Entry: California... knows how to party... Sunday, May 8



    ... that is "we know how to party, going 28 mph in the fast lane"... anyone that was thinking about moving to california, let me save you the trouble by stating a few facts... if afterwards, you still want to live here, then i wish you the best of luck in not shooting yourself in the head a few years from now...

#1). Traffic

    There has to be something that attracts people to live in california... it couldn't be the fact that we can't smoke anywhere but inside a self-contained plastic bag in the basements of our own homes... it couldn't be the great food that we receive from trendy places like Jamba Juice, Panda Express, or the billions of Starbucks... and it sure as fuck isn't the overcrowding...

    I went to an angels baseball game yesterday in Anaheim (which is now owned by Los Angeles - don't even fuckin get me started on that), < rap > and what does a nigga see?.. tree beeyon mutha fuckas starin at me... where we be goin?.. nowhere fast... betta be somewhere, or i pull out ma gat...< /rap >... man i could make a million off of that line alone with a base rhythm and some gold teef... where the fuck was i?....

    Oh right... fuck traffic.. check this shit out:



    ... and if you can't tell what you're looking at through the haze of dead butterflies and smeared bird shit on my window, here is a zazazoooooooomed in view of da pic yo:



#2). Trends

    People out here are so fuckin insecure, they will dedicate their lives trying to change what others think about them... if they're a guy, they drive a raised F-350, an H2, or some 'Fast 'n Furious' wannabe bullshit... if they're rich, they drive an Escalade, a Navigator, an Expedition / Excursion (same fuckin thing)... if they're a woman, they drive an SUV (nissan, lexus, honda, mercedes, etc.)... all this so they could 'fit in'... what ever happened to driving cuz it was fun, or being who you wanted to be?... not giving a fuck about what other people think and living for yourself is called originality... there is no such thing as originality out here, only "oh my god what is he doing?... i'm am sooooooo gonna do that too"... fuck people...

#3). The weather

    I understand why people initially want to come here, and that's for "the beautiful weather that we have here all year long"... well, let me save you the suspense.. there is no fuckin thing unless you live in san diego... and guess what?.. it rains, it gets windy and it gets cold there too!.. THE FUCK YOU SAY HARRY!!...

#4). There's so much to do!

    Having shit to do is relative... everyone i have ever met has complained that their hometown has nothing to do, and that they wanted to go somewhere else because "its more fun over there"... guess what you ignorant fucks... it's always more fun to visit somewhere than to live there... some of the most fun times that i have ever had in my entire life were due to the fact that there was nothing to do... that's when people get creative and entertain themselves in anyway possible... so let me be on the record by saying, "there's nothing to do where i live... there's nothing but ___ and ___ here, and it would only be cool if it were ____"... sound famliar at all?...

#5). You're close to the mountains and the beach

    That's correct, we are close... however, unless you're a beach or slope bunny, its a novelty that is experienced once in a blue moon... i have lived here for over 25 years in various southern californian cities, and i have been to the mountains, maybe, 5 times... and the beach, roughly the same... i think the reason is, if i go to the beach, i will turn blacker than night... i take alot of night classes, and i don't want to be counted absent... however, it's there, but unless you have a reason to go all the time, who gives a fuck about that its there? (other than using the fact for bragging rights)...

#6). Cost of Living

    There have only been only two places that i found more expensive to live in, other than California, and that's Hawaii and New York City... and if you even closely compare the three places, you were either dropped on the head alot when you were a baby or you did alot of drugs in your day... no other place (aside the afore mentioned) could you spend over $1200 on a 12ft x 12ft studio apartment in a shitty area and be HAPPY!.. what the fuck?!?.. my head is going to explode...!

#7). You have great wine (Napa, Sanoma)

    Yes.

#8). You are the technological capital

    I assume you're referring to Silicon Valley and the vast technology that's found in the Bay Area (San Francisco)... that is correct, but if you move here for that (other than a job related to said field), i think you should worry about getting out of your parents basement first... the first step is the hardest... Live Long and Prosper!... oh, let me know how Episode III is btw....

#9). Hot women

    Yes, that is a fact... we do have some hot women out here... BUT... we have our fair share of FUGLY fuckers too... in fact, i would put the ugly : hot ones in a 350:1 ratio.. (unless of course you're in san diego, where i would put it at a 45:1)... the hottest women that i have seen, in order:

    1). North Carolina - chappel hill... fuck man, you guys rock..

    2). Florida - Tampa Bay / Miami.... all i can say is "FUUUUUUUUCK"....

    3). California - San Diego... of course

Short answer: live in San Diego or don't waste your fuckin time...
.... and this has been a Community Service Advertisement from Sachz Inc.

-Harry J. Sachz

  Owner, Sachz Inc.
 

   10 comments

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September 13, 2012   11:51 AM PDT
 
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April 6, 2012   10:38 PM PDT
 
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May 9, 2005   04:01 PM PDT
 
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What I would consider a $72,000 shithole of a home or double wide trailer goes for $300,000+ there. Fuck that shit in the ass.

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